“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22

In today’s fast-paced and emotionally charged world, romantic relationships often begin impulsively and progress without guidance. But when it comes to love, especially relationships that are meant to lead to marriage, it’s not just about following your heart — it’s about walking with wisdom. And one of the most vital sources of wisdom is godly counsel.

Whether you’re single and searching, beginning a relationship, or preparing for marriage, the Bible repeatedly encourages us to seek wise advice at every stage. It’s not weakness — it’s spiritual maturity.

Before You Start: The Search Requires Wisdom

Before diving into a relationship, there’s wisdom in preparation. Just as you wouldn’t enter a battlefield without training, or a career without education, why approach something as sacred and serious as a lifelong relationship without guidance?

Why Seek Counsel Before Starting?

• To check your emotional readiness
• To clarify your purpose and expectations
• To understand what healthy relationships look like
• To receive guidance on red flags and healthy boundaries

Who Should You Talk To?

• Elderly siblings or mature friends who have walked the path before you
• Christian counselors who offer emotional and psychological insight
• Your parents, who know your upbringing and values
• Experienced pastors or mentors, who can help align your desires with Scripture

“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.” – Proverbs 15:22

During the Search: Don’t Search Alone

In the pursuit of love, emotions can cloud judgment. Excitement can overshadow discernment. That’s why ongoing counsel during your search helps you remain grounded.

What Should You Be Asking During the Search?

• What kind of person should I be looking for?
• Am I too focused on appearance over substance?
• Am I healed from past wounds or carrying emotional baggage?
• Am I involving God in this search, or just looking for what feels good?

During this time, godly counsel can protect you from unnecessary heartbreak and help you stay focused on your core values and long-term goals.

When You’ve Found Someone: Counsel Is Still Crucial

Many people stop seeking advice the moment they begin dating or courting. But this is the time when counsel becomes even more essential.

Why?

• You’re emotionally involved, which can hinder objective thinking.
• You may ignore red flags due to excitement or pressure.
• You’re making decisions that could impact your entire life.

Counselors, pastors, and trusted mentors can help you both examine:

• Compatibility and shared values
• Spiritual and emotional maturity
• Family background, expectations, and potential conflicts
• Readiness for the next phase — courtship or engagement

Professional counselors can offer tools for communication, conflict resolution, emotional management, and more—skills that are vital for any lasting relationship.

The Role of Parents, Pastors, and Mentors

1. Parents

While not all parents are perfect, their perspective is often born out of genuine love and concern. They may see dangers or opportunities that you’re too emotionally involved to recognize.

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you…” — Ephesians 6:2-3

Their life experience, understanding of family dynamics, and spiritual instincts can be priceless during courtship and even after marriage.

2. Elder Siblings & Mature Friends

They can offer practical, recent insights. Especially if they’ve recently married or have navigated dating in today’s world, their advice can balance both realism and encouragement.

3. Pastors and Gospel Ministers

Pastors and spiritual leaders serve as shepherds over your soul. They have seen the dangers of ungodly relationships and have helped counsel many into successful marriages. Their spiritual wisdom, combined with biblical principles, offers depth and discernment you can’t find on your own.

Don’t Wait Until There’s Trouble

Most couples wait until conflict arises before seeking help. But wise couples involve counselors and mentors before the crisis, not after.

Think of counsel like regular maintenance for a car — not a last resort when the engine is about to explode.

Conclusion: Walk with Wisdom, Not Just Emotion

Love may begin with feelings, but it flourishes with wisdom. Involve the right people early. Lean on the wisdom of parents, pastors, professionals, and mentors. Don’t navigate the most important decision of your life alone.

“The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” – Proverbs 12:15

Seek counsel. Listen well. Pray deeply. And watch God lead you into a relationship built on truth, wisdom, and lasting love.